someone asked, so here is the answer:
step one, and indeed, most important: have well-divorced mother who moves to france first two years prior (presumably to get away from grown-yet-still-needy children)
2) have terribly downward spiraling job for business about to go under at any moment
3) have no other job prospects in current town of residence
4) have no other prospects of any kind to speak of, do not have college degree of any sort
5) have no husband, boyfriend or other attachments (aside from assorted like-wise situated girl friends of that going-to-be-thirty-this-year sort)
6) get cancer. this is key, as loads of sympathy entailed. turns otherwise stoic, distant mother into weepy blubbering mush-monster
7) scrape together enough dough, just enough and no extra mind you, for a visit to said mother in such sorry state for 'rejuvinating' post-cancer-surgery visit.
8) blather on to mother (she in drunken state) about life long dream of returning to painting, living in france, refer to long forgotten childhood french lessons and multiple pathetic attemps to attend art school
9) sit back in amazement as mother offers to put you (and your dog!) up for one year in her little place on the riveria! and marvel at how she still thinks it was her idea!
10) promise whatever higher power you believe in at the moment that if this crazy idea works out, you'll never tell that horrible 'how my mother wrecked christmas '82" story again.